Blog   News   Magazin   Kontakt


The year nowhere

Ariane Müller

how are you?
busy i guess. I am writing little numbers in bundeskulturstiftung excel sheets
its boring
and looking through my photodocumentation
missing to hear from you
i bought a semiotexte guattari book in oslo
it starts like this:
when i was a child, I was, so to speak, in pieces; really a little schizo around the edges. I spent years trying to put myself back together again. Only my thing was, I would pull along different pieces of reality in doing it.
it came in a pettibon bag

drinking beer at the deserted swimming pool (its during the night - i just swam)
listening to - egill
there was another line in one of egills songs
i just understood by hearing it at the concert - did i tell you ?
freestyle in the motherfucking bed alone
did i tell you about the goethe drawing. goethe in rome
drawn by tischbein - this friend who did the big famous goethe in the campagna
there is goethe throwing a pillow out of the bed. this one says: Damned second pillow
hotel room situation
we are near the airport - planes landing and taking off
no time for me to sleep
three hours in advance
i was thinking a lot about kippenberger lately
kippenberger now in the big saatchi collection as one of the major five painters in recent
oh my, will we end up as painters if we touch this
answer to
people cant live anymore
i was waiting at the arrival gates in istanbul airport
there were huge crowds of people waiting with video cameras
and huge movements long awaited loves returning - family reuniting
intimate situations
i somehow saw where you are (i know not alltogether though also)
and where i had wished myself into
but how could i
and who would be reporting from dubai
how it is to be nowhere
oh i just see, it is weekend, here the week starts tomorrow
kolay gelsin

flying over sarajevo
looking at godards eloge d’amour at the point when its about the serbs committing war crimes in kosovo
i looked up and the small drawn airplane crossed the indicated sarajevo of the map
the film says:
memories have no obligations. Read Bergson !
ok i will and i knew it. perhaps forgot it
but it also says there can be no resistance without memory or universalism

the airplane flew in a very narrow curve gaining height only slowly
second time to see bratislava form the air in 24 hours.
there are three days of a monstruos conferences here
the synopsis of the - reentering politics into art - says something like: our life having ben shaped by 11th of september and 11th documenta ???!!!
crowded with people who want to listen to
from jacques ranciere to roger buergel

last year you were flying through a snowstorm to malmoe to meet me in kopenhagen
which was very nice - copenhagen
fake english pubs and fake mongolian barbecues
and cold streets

i still cant use my computer.
the tastatur is too narrow and writing is strange
I missed the plane again and perhaps you may imagine my state of mind when i woke up at ten
and was still in berlin
and still drunk and feeble had to organise everything
and still drunk and feeble booked a flight
and then still drunk and feeble i took one of the ephedrines (first time in my life to really get me working)
this is destroying my concentration abilities.
and i missed you
in this crazy timepressured not at all summer (meanwhile now it is hot here but doesnt mean anything besides of smelly airplanes and people who sweat)
i hope this is not totally destroying your impression of me
i mean that i dont manage (and lost a lot of money - but dont want to think of it)
seemingly not even getting up with a clock
and from now on
i will never say - i will wake up anyway
i dont.

in bratislava
its a new way of connecting vienna and berlin to go via bratislava
i did it the first time
yesterday when i came
and now i am back at bratislava airport
flying to berlin in one hour
at the bar the waiter disappeared the moment i came
two flights one to berlin one to kosice, these are their destinations
i drove with the bus through the winter desert
through this town i have once made a study for (studying study nothing)
where you enter by the medieval towndoor and leave it at the oposite
i spent days there. it was in summer and even in this christmas decoration i remembered the dull athmosphere of this iron curtained frontier town
frontier since ever
with a very narrow street called blutgasse
where the blood of the inhabitants was streaming into the danube, slaugthered by the turcs
the saying
and another time i was there in winter then (it took us a year to make this) and nobody was in the town
it was totally deserted and we discovered them on a small side arm of the danube scating
(this was in winter 1564)
it is freezing cold outside i feel strange estranged, this is not my airport, this is not my part of the world
this is some colony of international cheap flights
they dont even sell cigarettes as there is only eu passengers flying to eu countries
even when being in the eu also here
but still the cigarette prizes that low that i guess this was a contract they had to sign to join, to not sell cigarettes to us
and they do it (secretely at the bar) for 1euro50
this bus trip deterritorializes me totally. they play pet shop boys in the slovakian radio. there are perhaps five people at the whole airport
why am i one of these ??
it is not bad but it feels as if i lived like this foreever and the next place would be another airport where i would connect to the internet
and write to whomever, of whom for some time i dont even know anymore if he or she existed
all of this journeys consists of pictures, sometimes i wonder how many of them cumulate in this short times when you dont have nothing to do or concentrate on
and if they are of any use
we are boarding
to berlin

i read a novel in the bus
where the main characters wife and child had died in a plane crash
in the s-bahn through snow stained berlin a russian couple sat next to me, me reading
at one moment he held out his hand and their fingers touched in the middle of the aisle
and remembering like a shock pushed me into the seat of the metro

my dear
i didn't even think about the exhibition in helsingborg again
this is wrong
everything seems psychedelic failing
i need plans - even when they turn out incomplete
we would make
i think i am not gong to give it a title
its not really consistent and shouldnt be
and this is why the text is really fine in not bringing it together in one piece
its just like different thoughts and things i remembered or saw and wanted to bring together and
see how it looks when i see it again
the text - thank you very much
sombre, sombre, but i will do something to make it a little bit funny though and this will be like the poem
which came to my mind while sleeping the last half an hour (thanks to the fact i put the heating full blast and together with my smoking)
i found in a poem book i bought in prag a long time ago
say i'm weary say i'm sad
say that wealth and health have missed me
say i am getting old but add
jenny kissed me

there is malice viciousness
we will see
there is something in the interior with it (the interieur more than the interior
i mean the coffee cup with the plate in my hand is not part of my life)
it insists on kept lifes

you wouldnt stand me at the moment i fear
i have another fit of nervosity and anxiousness and disconcentration because i am so upset on what it happening in fallujah and the lack of information and knowing that this is a city (better say was a city)
300.000 inhabitats like halle, graz, oslo
and the news is like totally ignoring the monstrosity
of walking into every house by blowing up one of the walls (they learned from israel - palestine raids)
total destruction like as if this was no place were people live and still are
and just i dont know what picture there is in these minds but
how can someone put down flowers because of the destrcutions in dresden (like they do every year)
i am getting mad at it
somehow comparable to my venezuela fit i had and years ago
and in this bad state i go through guardian, liberation, le monde and all the bloggs and all the sites
and i dont find anything
there is just no-one there allowed to enter or leave and tell about it
there are no journalists
there is no news agency no telephones
not even red something aids agencies just soldiers going from house to house blowing up this city

i will be stuck in bratislava again today
some hours
ghosts transgressing various borders
its all mine i know
i visited goethes house
still no electrictiy and heating as was.
a huge house and various situations of appostrophed "here is a working place"
the writing room, the collections, the library, places for people to visit
somewhere then a small bed
the huge glyptos everywhere (but heads)
guattari writes
about the abyss lying in the "so what?"
people trying to avoid as the possible literally suffocating
by compairing it to swann being half mad after odette had left him, fleeing every trace of her being
there is an answer to this in the book though
this was my weimar talk (about or along this)
then showing some of the things i did

some sun now
i will go swimming again
and then into turkish airline flight 1 and then turkish airline flight two
and then i will be in the snow
i was out the whole day
lots of indian advertisment, shops with boilers, dolls or hairclips whatever one would imagine
hundreds of small scale import export individuals
the origin of some consumption scheme covering the whole world
its very astonishing
writing i miss you as sms was a joke
still i miss you
but you know
i found out airplanes are actually mind machines
or perhaps its the clouds
if they are right beyond you when making the circles over airports
looking like the sea
i will be in all these possibilities again

there is now snow outside
in the morning i had my telephone repaired, maybe it was just not connected
there is a faint hint to this, my own spupidity but the monteur was polite enough, very friendly and a bit flirtatious, discovered some minor other thing (like a broken plastic piece)
because otherwise i would have had to pay
since then i try to get flatrate but my technically interested environment prohibits the use of telecom (ruining free access and so forth)
and now i am entangled in small differentiations beyond my possibilities to distinguish
while i am waiting for money to come in, i decide to be nowhere
this year that seems to be the year nowhere
long telephones and long talks
dirk says, as if you stumbled and then you dont get back the equilibrium, seems connected to flying somehow
then: Now, no mistakes which results in him paying five rents.
How can we save our last bit of glamour in the starship
Dirk started making the foot for me
i made a hand
we spent our day yesterday like this

huh the raf exhibition is really bad
(they have set up a huge kasbah for hans peter feldmanns work which is actually published in a book, and much better in the book than in this shrine now, but for that they already spent 100.000 of their budget)
then it gets worse, pictures with gudrun on it
actually only kippenbergers work is nice

my dearest,
i woke up, got coffee from my friend, already awake,
opened the window lay in the sun
and walked out, fetched the photos from ankara (i had not developed them yet, the hand and foot from there)
and then on to pro qm
met axel, and talked about art magazines
he pulled out art monthly. this is how a magazine should look like
who is doing it
some chain smoking marxists, really i walked into their office once, its unbelievable
(axel has quit smoking some time ago)
oh its like in our office,
really worse
so i also bought it
hmhm this is how a magazine should look like, lets see what we can do
now back at home
its still sunny, i will go to kreuzberg
the snow is dripping from roofs, construction workers whistle at girls, fancy cloth makers open their deserted shops
no tourists
i was thinking a lot lately about what a strange town berlin was in the middle of the 90s
a totally empty town (the east) just somehow getting slowly conquered by people
but unstructured (no food, how to get food was the biggest problem always)
when i met klaus and others they always used to go for saturdays breakfast into some cellar like bar
even when sun, i never understood, until they explained to me, that it was because they had nutella there
(me from vienna: but nutella is everywhere) nono, this was really something to even creep into cellars
they didnt give us anything to eat.
and as for sydney i think somehow about this proposal of another life in an empty town

my ankara wheather forecast dosnt work anymore
they must have shifted the address from where it was drawn, (i could always tell you when it would be getting cold there)
so, europe is cold.
i miss- tabellamp - tea cups - squared paper - hands and so forth, but forza, and i should
the inclined plane is a very prominent theme in books
people tend to look on what is flat in front of their eyes
but mobile bookstands is even more a french-turkish theme than one from here
there should be a place to hang one picture i think (a single nail)
a duwenhögger or a letter painting: like: L'amour c'est facile
of whats his name armand ?
but nice the cloth as can be used also for a mobile photography studio
you know where they roll out the paper place the models on it, so that there is no edge between wall and floor
just them, well lit
and you should go on to invent a mobile library
rietfeld chairs with a sunroof, to be packed in a box
markus took the measures of all of his books, constructed a box with shelves in the dimensions, it's on wheels to be moved but only in the flat
and the front and back plate just fixed with magnets
but this bases in an accomplished life not a prosperous growing society like turkey
no, this is swiss, this is exactly what we need to know (i now remember a beamer was part of it)

i just read a nabokov novel and in there someone remembers the story of a boy being sucked into the painting over his bed
it is a child who knows the story, with a similar picture over his bed, threading his mother will find the similarity and fearing to lose him, will get rid of the painting.
So was I, sucked into the description of forests or more park and lights between trees, summer
and all the noises of bees and nerving insects, anyway seemed
somewhere at least.

when i came back it had become spring here
sunny and warm
but not in moscow, snow everywhere, remembering it, and it is totally far away meanwhile i only came back twelve hours ago
a city totally out of order, drugs, pornography, cars, money
no wonder an artist disappears during the biennial
disappearing seems to be everywhere there, they are fourteen millions
and it snows and snows
yesterday i wandered through the city alone, a car hit me, not bad, just the back mirror but still without stopping
getting into layers of clothes at coffee houses when leaving then again peeling them off again, indoor places being heated excessively
getting invited invited
we dont like experiences here they said, but there will be and were so many experiences in the last years and to come
now i am here again, going to istanbul soon still we want to buy this flat and i will see your exhibition
but i am anyway still nowhere, like what the next starship will be about
just showing models in sydney is naturally far too meaningless, i know and i dont want to do something empty like this, still its this sort of theme thing - a commentaire and i dont know if i can do this as sophisticated as you did, danger is, it only looks poor (in my-this case) and its not a time where things to do, woudn't count, everything counts at the moment. i even think about making a new film for this manchester, leeds the place i forgot.
i am sometimes sad, as if i have to learn something i dont understand and dont want

bonjour mon ami
the last hours i spent on the highway with the director of un-habitat who wanted to bring me to the airport but had a flat tire on her way
she a totally lunatic only agreed i could take a taxi until it was ten minutes to my boarding time
or something
i was totally overwhelmed by so much unpractical thinking. i thought all of these people went through years of missions in iraq or whereever.
tomorrow i will try the text for axel
and try to return to berlin
and not stay here until sunday
it would make me sick
and makes me currently more and more sick

these two days in graz were very nice and strange conversations mostly late at night
i took the train back and was only looking out of the window
we drove through the castle landscape hundreds of small castles or ruins on every hill. as this is 12th or 13th century it must have been really crowded there considering that there were still the villages in the valleys. then came into the mountains and snow. clouds were very low and dark as if it would snow soon again. the mountains deserted, only the huge 19th century hotels now abandoned looked like the shining. i fell asleep now and then. it was absolutely quiet in the train nobody speaking besides of nearly nobody in.

south central station looked like bukarest and the weather here cold as deep winter. i liked the train and especially after the hotel room where i had worked a bit with american soaps in the background all celebrating christmas ???, why now i wonder and the turkish programme celebrating ramadan which why i better see.
graz is beautiful with a river coming from the mountains. the difference to the berlin river i noticed for the first time, its ten times faster looks really wild. i took walks with hans christian set in posh cafés talking about the feeling of potency of things to come

i wanted to be in this half awake half still asleep talking mode or even in the dining car. they had nice things even real coffee with an espresso machine
people were smoking in there as if their lifes depended on it
its so different from germany. (no coffee, not allowed to smoke etc.)

have a nice trip
i am now at the vienna airport internet access in a test phase so for free
i was talking with hans christian
me saying. but everyone went away from berlin
he: but i talked to someone in hamburg and they said, everyone went away from hamburg, they must be somewhere, cant have all just vanished
so i said. when i come to vienna, everyone is still there.
and he: vienna seems to be the modern city, seems that, after all, sebastian was right (he had written a text in starship on this); we shouldnt move anymore
you very much turmoiled my life
oh this was only in the business lounge (that you turmoiled ? no the internet access)
i have a strange time setting it up again
(what now ? the internet access ? the life ?)
have to go into the airplane

i had the strange experience of dining with a hongkong millionaire
in the afternoon i went through the park and looked at birds in this late summer sky
i hate mzungus in africa
unfortuately i am one
but next to me there is a very ugly type making up with the local street girls
tomorrow my friend crispin comes from his security service nightshift to have breakfast
he wrote a theatre play that i should make a film out of
and the internet comes and goes
and this is a short note about everything that is fine with me at the moment- it is
Starship Nummer 10, Seiten 56ff