Reflection Paper No.4

This is my yellow black zebra silk painting. I hope I can sell a good price, then I will have money for getting my Artist Visa. Then I can go back to painting again. Go back to my yellow black zebra silk painting. So you mean you ply subtitle of interir monologue and subtitle of dialogue together?

(A anxious impatient voice-over in Sichuan dialect, repeatedly)

Recently I threw myself into a grave anxiety.

(You tell me, I don’t know...)

I really need help

(No money!

I won’t make it.)

How can I get my Artist Visa in the Netherlands.

(It’s impossible!)

Can’t afford a lawyer.

(Can you borrow money from someone nowadays?)

I can’t afford red colour material too.

(They dislike you, avoid you.)

But …

(They hate you.)

How about Berlin?

(Cause you’re fucked up.)

Ask your friends.

(You deserve this fucker!)

How can they get it.

(You deserve this fucker!)

But …

(You selfish fake cunt!)

Money …

(I won’t make it!)

I can borrow …?

(I won’t make it, cause it is the most difficult to get Holland Visa for us! The Netherlands! The Netherlands!)

(It is the one of the most difficult …)

(Many people had told me: forget it! But you still want it!)

(Every day only eat a few piece of bread, how can you make it?!)

(What is freedom? Freedom means to be relative!)

I called the law office yesterday.

(Being relative. Aren’t you happy and free?)

It was a woman.

(Bullshit! You don’t feel happy and free!)

She gave me a number, told me call the Juridish Loket.

(Completely impossible. It’s not like that!)

“How do you spell it?” I asked.

(You’re a loser. A hammer fucker, get out!)

I can’t spell it, you just call this number!

(You fake-cunt, you won’t make it!)

(I’ll be good, I pay you coffin when you die.)

(Listen! That lawyer didn’t pick up your phone!)

(There is no lawyer at all!)

(They don’t care!)

(It is too expensive, it’s impossible!)

Seals are so happy, let’s go to see them.

(Lawyer fee is super expensive!)

Seals are so happy, let’s go to see them.

(It is beyond your imagination!)

(Where can you get such money?)

(That’s insane! You think it too simple!)

(Not that easy to stay!)

I went to the Juridish Loket yesterday.

(Only in your dream, in your dream!)

Tao! The Juridish Loket told me that I still need a lawyer.

(Only in your dream, in your dream!)

We have to call the law office again, call that woman again.

(You deserve this, you Buddha—damn-it …)

And according to local immigration law, the lawyer is obligated to tell you that there is a Legal Aid.

(You Buddha—damn-it …)

Legal Aid? She didn’t say that! And I also didn’t know this! How could you know this?

(You deserve it! You maniac!)

She only asked me that if I’m a high income person.

(You think you are! Maniac!)

“No, I’m not. I’m an artist.” I answered.

(You maniac …)

A Chinese artist.

(You are not competent, you won’t make it!)

A Chinese artist.

(If you are not competent, you just leave just leave!)

(Lawyer won’t help you!)

(They’ll suck your blood-sweat-cheap-money!)

(They’ll suck your blood-sweat-cheap-money!)

Tao, that woman wasn’t a lawyer!

(Immigration law business is the most blood dirty business!)

She is just a receptionist. She is just a piece of music!

(Immigration lawyer is the most despicable job ever!)

A piece of music!

(No lawyer would like to help you!)

A piece of music!

(You’re losing your freedom, you deserve it!)

I think here is under the seal pool.

(You deserve this, you’re Buddha-damn-it, aha ha ha ha …)

It is under that happy seal pool, under the happiness.

(You deserve this! Who told you that …)

Those videos are introducing different species of butterfly.

(Forget it, really …)

(Don’t let yourself got aggrieved on such thing anymore, really! …)

(Because this is so ridiculous!)

(No lawyer! You deserve this!)

(You can’t stay, you won’t be free, you deserve this!)

(You deserve this you Buddha—damn-it!)

(But you could move to Berlin …)

(Berlin …)

(Ask embassy …)

(Who told you that you can’t go there? You can go!)

(I don’t want to …)

(I don’t want to go there! …)

(I don’t go there!)

(I stay in Holland forever!)

(The Netherlands …)

(I stay in The Netherlands forever!)

(No Berlin!)

(No no no no no no no no …)

(Here I’m telling you, it’s very easy!)

(You just call the law office.)

(Make an appointment with the lawyer.)

(Ask what documents you must prepare beforehand.)

(Ask how much money it would cost.)

(But you don’t even have a coin!)

(No money, no appointment! And you lost time!)

(Without a first meeting with a local lawyer …)

(You don’t know what kind of documents they require!)

(They charge you from the beginning!)

(So if you don’t have money, you fucked-up!)

(Your problem is you had spent all your money on makeup, dresses …)

(On make-up, facial wash-gel, earrings, necklaces … on bunch of stuffs!)

(No money left for making painting.)

What’s kind of music were you listening?

(You’re starving.)

It’s called …

(You can’t sell painting.)

It’s called …

(You can’t afford laywer.)

“If you love flowers, visit the zoo!”

(You won’t make it.)

“If you love flowers, visit the zoo!”

(Voice-over ending)

Sounds like: Something you didn’t tell me, and I didn’t also ask you.

Look! So many children here

I don’t really like music very much.

Colours and smells often make me happy, but music is always sad. Even so-called light music it the same: its light-hearted bounce is only superficial, even artificial.

But colours:

Indoors in summertime with the curtains down, old pyjamas neatly folded and piled on bamboo mats.

An azure blue summer top, and sea-green silk pants. Next to one another, the blue and the green have a layered, delicate beauty.

Not a beauty that necessarily reminds you of anything.

But in the dimness of the room, they carve out a space and quietly pervade it with a sort of joy.

I sit one side, catch sight of them without having intend to look, and they make me happy for a long while.