rare fragments from the notebook of an unspecified archetype

November sometime

i am still reluctant to give into the idea that simply conjuring the notion of the “surreal” can accommodate (even colloquially) the shortcomings of a narrative recollection of a supposedly traumatic or otherwise significant “real” event. Unexpected isn’t the same as surreal. A narrator’s inability to process, categorize or simply communicate something is not necessarily indicative of a departure from the “real”.

also sometime in November

ideas for piece: “vanity projects” / “self-organized” as transgression / one’s own self-interest vs. affirmation

unknown date (most likely historical)

Almost at a loss for words, he offered an olive branch: “Well, what do you want most in life?”
“Well,” he responded, almost without hesitation, “I want to be famous.”
“What?!?,” he blurted out. Half amused, but more startled.
“I mean,” he back-pedaled, “I mean, well, what I mean is that, well, ya know, … i guess i just want to be recognized for what i have to offer.”

late December

the miraculous is simply the surprising collapse of the impossible. (—T.R. sometime early ’90s)

unsorted annotations
- feed-back vs. collaboration
- validation vs. discussion
- commitment vs. (self-)determination
- author vs. facilitator

surely sometime late August

thoughts on karaoke:

karaoke is a sport like any other, i suppose. there are multiple ways to engage with it.

karaoke is a forum within which one tests boundaries with great abandon but also a keenly trained sensitivity and obviously great cunning.
never without the element of surprise. The power of the unexpected. The pull of pubescent fantasies, no doubt.
Identity is something that we have learned to project—to wear on our sleeves—and to perform karaoke is definitely that. carefully curated content. performing someone performing the performance of another—affirmed only by the recognition and judgment of others. um… huh?

Self-mythologizing is more about death than life. Martyrs—duh!

late December again

Maurice Blanchot? wtf?
survival tactics? Walden Pond Phenomenon? really not sure
art for art’s sake? ivory tower? writing through absence. useless lament? self-service?

… fucking learn french finally

November, possibly October, possibly December

films to watch… BPM; call me by your name; the British Brokeback?; all gay-coming-of-age films from the 80s and 90s; Scarface; everything Almodovar—front to back; everything Juliane Moore!!! (again)

early December, definitely

examples of vanity: feelings of loss / of love / perceived success / melancholy / hobbies …
self-organized vs. self-aggrandized

at least by 1947
in times like these… these dark times…. The Age of Anxiety
Anxiety as the only constant expression of the human experience… survival? no… even gravity was discovered only as a phenomenon in relation to us and our experienced lack-of-control on our surroundings.
Is anxiety an “outdated” model? Is identifying anxiety as the human opus merely a baroque-esque indulgence where the act overcoming of the virtual barriers standing in the way of an Ayn Rand version of self-actualization transfigures only into a set the parameters for the construction of an even less-enlightened self?

more untethered annotation

am i just vain? or lazy? or both?
clearly too many questions to still fein rhetoric(al)…
but yes, probably.

just recently

why is unhappiness so delicious? who are we beholden to? who do we need to recognize our misery to make it real? is happiness the same?
if a tree falls in the woods…
it takes two to tango.

1961

white people be like: Steinbeck:(“The novel of an honest man’s struggles with the seductive temptations of today’s easy money and morals.”)

yesterday

Isn’t it the very definition of vanity to be an artist? how to be an artist? pssst. secret lives. secret lives in art.

early January

why is everyone so angry? so insistent?
jeez, i just cooked you dinner. made you my favorite dish.
nothing? seriously?

sometime in September

home improvements: more plants, less white, better speakers, new curtains

just now

a surprising lack of imagination—must look into Aldous Huxley again…
question: self-fulfilling prophecy or not?
talk amongst yourselves.